Brain Buddies at Home: Simple Language to Handle Challenging Behavior

The other day I was working with parents of a toddler and a baby. As magical and priceless as this stage can be, it also brings high stress. Young children introduce a whole new set of challenges that push you personally and reshape your relationships—both with your kids and your partner.

These particular parents were incredibly engaged, self-aware, and eager to get it all “right.”

Pause now, and give yourself grace.

The research I share with parents daily is that we only have to get it “right” 30-40% of the time for healthy outcomes and secure attachment in adulthood. That’s it! The stakes aren’t as high as we tend to think. Nobody gets it right all the time.

But when you do want to feel like you’re on the right track—like you have tools to pull from your parenting toolkit—what can you turn to?

Meet the Brain Buddies

At FocusedKids, we teach children (and the adults in their lives) about three key parts of the brain through friendly “Brain Buddies”:

🐕 Guard Dog (Amygdala)

This is the emotional center of the brain—responsible for fight, flight, or freeze responses. It’s fully developed before birth, which means young children rely on it heavily.

Tantrums and meltdowns? That’s Guard Dog barking: “Something doesn’t feel right here and I need help!”

🐘 Miss Elephante (Hippocampus)

Think of her as the brain’s filing cabinet. She stores memories and learning that can be retrieved later. Like the amygdala, she lives in the limbic region and develops early in life.

🦉 Wise Owl (Prefrontal Cortex)

This is the “thinking brain”—responsible for problem-solving, self-control, and planning. It’s the last to fully mature (well into our 20s!), which means kids need adults to model how this brain buddy works.

Bringing the Brain Buddies Home

When those parents of the toddler and baby asked how to manage challenging behaviors, I encouraged them to use the language of the Brain Buddies.

Their toddler was already learning about these concepts through FocusedKids at school, making this a perfect opportunity to bring consistency between home and school environments.

Here’s how I suggested using this language at home:

• “I see that you’re really upset right now. Your Guard Dog must feel out of control. What do you think might help Guard Dog calm down?”
• “My Guard Dog is really on alert right now. I need to take a break. Do you want to join me for a calm down break?”
• “Can you use your Wise Owl to focus on getting your shoes on for school?”
• “I bet you can use your Wise Owl to help you make a good choice right now.”
• “Does Miss Elephante remember how we get ready for bed?”
• “Can Miss Elephante help you remember what to do after breakfast?”

This approach gives everyone a shared language for what’s happening in their brains and communicates needs clearly in challenging moments.

A Practice for When You’re Calm

This strategy works best when you the parent are calm.

If you’re dysregulated in the heat of the moment (which will happen—you’re human!), this approach will be harder to access. And that’s okay. It’s all about practice.

When you are calm, your Wise Owl is available—and you can lend it to your child to help them co-regulate.

If you’d like to get familiar with the Brain Buddies together before trying this at home, watch this FocusedKids video. It’s a great way to make the learning fun and engaging for everyone.

The Power of Understanding

I recently heard back from the family, and their experience has been wonderful:

“Our toddler LOVES when we use Guard Dog language! She even corrected us… ‘No, Mom! You have to say CALM DOWN, GUARD DOG! And then you tell me to take a few breaths!’ It’s been working great! I even dropped a ‘uh oh, Miss Elephante is forgetting something’ the other day and she burst out laughing! We are still in the consistency phase. The rough interactions are still there but our recovery from the redirection is getting much smoother.”

This is exactly the kind of transformation we hope for! When we can say, “This is what’s happening in your brain,” we remove blame from both the child and the adult. It becomes:

• “This is developmentally appropriate,” and
• “This is what’s being triggered in me right now—here’s what I can do about it.”

That’s empowering!

At FocusedKids, we’re all about empowering everyone—from our smallest children to the big-hearted adults who guide them. We’re helping kids grow up kind, compassionate, focused, and self-regulated.

And we’re helping parents feel confident that they can meet the moment—even if it’s only 30-40% of the time.